We've Reached the Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud Stage

And it's not pretty

Hey there, Secular Fam, I hope y’all are hanging in there. For many of us, this time of year can overwhelm us and bring in a flood of emotions, some of them not great. This is true of the winter months in “normal” times, but if anyone understands that all the sh!t we’ve been going through for the last several years is FAR from normal, it’s you - the folks that read these columns. 

It seems that we are both in the Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud (SQPOL?) phase AND the Fuck Around and Find Out (FAFO) phase in this Era of late-stage capitalism. 

First, let’s start with the SQPOL™ (pronounced SKEW-pol) phase. There’s been a lot of that recently, and it hasn’t been good. 

Like, at all. 

Perhaps you caught the 45th president’s recent comments where he basically paraphrased Hitler, and used terminology like “vermin” and spoke of the “threat from within,” (much like his Nazi predecessor). NPR just had a piece about his dangerous vitriol, and said that four out of every ten Americans prefer an authoritarian regime. 

With the current events in Israel and Palestine, white Christian nationalists commentators like Charlie Kirk have decided they should weigh in, and are saying some of the most antisemitic shit I’ve ever heard. And an elected official in Florida essentially said that she won’t be happy until ALL Palestinian children are dead, and of course denied the words that literally came out of her mouth and backtracked, because she’s a terrible, lying human being. 

If you know me at all, you know I’m WAAAAY more into local politics than national/global politics, but since we’re in the Era of late-stage capitalism, it’s becoming harder and harder to turn it all off. 

So this brings me to our obligation to SQPOL. The other side is fully saying the quiet part out loud when it comes to their hatred and bigotry, and for nice folks like all of us, that’s a hard reality to acknowledge. But because most of us were probably raised in America, we just keep bootstrapping and keep our eye-on-the-prize/pedal-to-the-metal/nose-to-the-grindstone attitudes while we all, with each and every passing day, look more like that meme of the cartoon dog sitting in a burning room, and it’s dumb. 

So here’s what I am encouraging all of us to do. WE need to SQPOL too. About ALL of it.

Whether it’s calling out the WEIRD and CREEPY way that evangelical GROOMERS extremists are singularly focused on other people’s genitals…

…or the way we might be feeling in this Era, we need to do it. What I’m saying is that our capitalistic culture has taught all of us that we should be quiet about our mental health struggles. Our bootstraps upbringing has made it shameful to admit when we are having a hard time. Our individualistic society has equated asking for help to being weak and unworthy of help, but I’m here right now to say…

FUCK ALL OF THAT.

I’m tired of living in this bullshit Era where we ALL KNOW THAT NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL, but we’re all expected to just go to work, run our errands, and like, raise kids and stuff as if we’re unaware of this completely toxic and unfair system that is causing so many of us real anxiety, stress, and perhaps even depression. 

So do the thing that you’ve always been told not to do and talk about your feelings. And this especially goes for the men out there. I was talking to a friend and colleague this week, and he admitted that he’s been struggling with anxiety lately. I know how hard that is for men in our society to talk about their mental health struggles, and when he told me, I was downright elated. Not because he was feeling anxious, but because he felt safe enough to tell me. More of that please. 

Don’t get all excited, white dudes, I see you, but this (as usual) isn’t all about you. Women tend to work in caregiving professions, and compassion fatigue is a real thing, so the women out there also need to SQPOL when you’re struggling to balance it all. 

All this to say: reach out, ask for help, forgive yourself when you’re not operating at 100%. You’re human. You’re fallible. You’re fighting the good fight. 

And I for one, am so gosh-darned grateful for you. 

OK. Now onto the FAFO part because I’m doing this thing lately where I’m trying to leave people with some hope in this hopeless world. 

Can we talk about last week’s election results throughout the state and country?!?!

Let’s start with Ohio. The voters in Ohio OVERWHELMINGLY told their ass-backwards state legislature that they can eat a bag of dicks gobble a satchel of phalluses when they approved a reproductive healthcare measure and enshrined access to abortion and bodily autonomy into their Constitution. 

Another big loser? Moms for Liberty. 

You know, that group of assholes with casseroles “concerned mothers” who just want to advocate for their children - (and by “advocate for their children” I mean keep them completely in the dark about things like consent, healthy relationships, accurate history, and how to regulate their emotions) - yeah, them... 

Welp, y’all, the public spoke loud & clear, and basically said WE DON’T LIKE YOU to these deeply unserious, evangelical extremist individuals. So many of us have been showing up to our local school board, city council, or county meetings for some time now and it can be draining, but clearly, the pressure is working and we need to keep it up!

Last week, the voters gave a resounding “NO” to book bans, evangelical extremists’ obsession with genitalia, and the destruction of due process. And we should all do a little happy dance. 

Moms for Liberty lost so hard that they removed any mention of endorsed candidates from their main website. 

Is that glorious or WHAT?

Here in Arizona, most bonds and overrides passed, and voters showed that they want fully funded schools. Even when the legislature refuses to fully fund our public schools. 

Last month, I was lucky enough to attend a couple of incredible conferences and get that needed connection with folks who are just as passionate about these things. My jaded old soul needs that passion to keep going. And here’s the thing…

I KNOW you do too.

We all do. It’s our shared humanity. We need to connect with each other at a level beyond talking about the weather, inflation, the local school’s production of “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown” or whatever.

So, know this, Secular Fam. I fully KNOW that there were probably a half dozen super shitty board meetings this week that I have already started watching some of WILL watch and commentate on in the coming days. 

BUT! In the meantime, I’m going to lean into my humanity and the humanity of, like, ALL of us, and never pretend that a $500 LEGO set for an individual child is going to create a society that I want to be a part of. 

So you know how this goes. Sign up to volunteer. Become a sustaining member. Upgrade to a paid subscription.

Together we can defeat these authoritarian fangirls and create the kind of society we want. 

Til next time, Secular Fam. In the meantime, keep it loud.