Board Buffoonery Begone

DVUSD Exorcises Evangelical Extremists from Leadership, and it is Glorious

What a day, Secular Fam! It’s the third week of January, so school board meetings are happening this week, and the Deer Valley (DVUSD) meeting was something else! And by “something else,” I mean it was professional, efficient, productive, and thoughtful! 

Trust and believe, Secular Fam, I KNOW that most of our subscribers read these Substack columns because they’ve become like telenovelas. We’re all kind of waiting to see what ridiculous nonsense they’re going to shovel out next. 

But our entire goal should be to get these knuckleheaded evangelical extremists OFF of these boards so that I no longer have to write these school board updates. Thankfully, at the last DVUSD board meeting they elected new leadership. Now, instead of deeply unserious leadership, the DVUSD governing board is led by President Ann Ordway, and VP Paul Carver. 

So let’s get right to it, Secular Fam, because this meeting provides ALL of us an excellent example of what happens when intelligent, rational, collegial people are elected into these very important NONPARTISAN positions. 

This meeting started in the usual manner, and even just the seating arrangement on the dais changed the whole vibe. In my last update about the never-ending Dumpster fire that is the Peoria (PUSD) school board, I mentioned that one of the benefits of being a board president is that you create the agenda. I forgot about another bonus to being the president, and that is you make the seating chart. 

When Board Members Paperman and Fisher were in leadership positions, they sat themselves right next to each other and Fisher was directly next to Superintendent Finch. How that man kept his cool for an entire year is nothing short of Herculean, but he made it through. Now, Fisher and Paperman are to the far right of Superintendent Finch, and the sane candidates are closest to him. 

The first item was an update about a district partnership with a nonprofit educational organization called Cognia, and then we were on to Consent Agenda items. Remember, these are standard items that usually get put onto a “Consent Agenda” in order to streamline the approval process and make meetings more efficient. 

A good board member meets with the superintendent and other members of Cabinet BEFORE the meeting to ask any questions. Evangelical extremist board members so rarely take their roles seriously, however, that they like to pull these benign, routine agenda items so they may sow distrust among their mouth-breathing followers. They exemplify bad boardsmanship by being completely unprepared, fomenting fear amongst their ignorant base, putting the district in legal peril, and turning school board meetings - the heart of our democracy - into a spectacle. 

This happens A LOT in Peoria (PUSD) where Board Member Rooks pulls travel requests and/or trainings because she thinks they’re too “woke.” 

Rooks also pulled contract renewals and attacked teachers by name, which resulted in a lawsuit. Recently in Paradise Valley (PVUSD), Board Member Christensen pulled a travel request because she didn’t like that it focused on positive outcomes for Latino students (!!!). 

And here’s my ask for all serious school board members: when evangelical extremists pull items from the Consent Agenda, don’t second the motion. If someone else seconds the motion? Vote ‘no’ against the motion. It’s that easy! Now, of course, if a member of the public wants to speak on an item in Consent, it will be pulled, but there is no need to give these deeply unserious board members any time to showcase their ignorance and bigotry in a public forum. 

Next up was a staff travel request, and next we were on to item 5B which was about the approval of board member and superintendent travel to the National School Board Association (NSBA) Annual Conference in New Orleans. This is a totally normal and benign travel request, so of course, Board Member Fisher had to share her thoughts on it. 

She started by saying that she didn’t feel comfortable voting on it during the meeting because in her opinion it was rushed. She had “one request” and that was that people actually attend the conference. She mentioned a conference in Denver years ago and then did something super weird. She started reminiscing about her former boardmate, Ann O’Brien, who she disparages on the regular on her Facebook pages (selective memory is common with narcissists). She insinuated that not all board members attend the sessions, and wanted to make sure they’re actually going and bringing back what they learn. 

And here’s the thing, Secular Fam, I’m sure that there are board members who see these conferences as a way to travel for free. I’m sure that’s true of every professional conference. A strong district and school board have agreements in place that any board member who attends any kind of conference gives a detailed report of the trainings and workshops they attended. When I was on a school board, we - imagine this - collaborated when we chose sessions, so that we could get the most bang for our buck. Easy peasy. 

President Ordway swatted away the accusation that Mrs. Fisher sees this as a boondoggle, and at the end of it all, Board Member Fisher abstained from the vote. There are plenty of valid reasons to abstain from a vote, but increasingly it seems, these evangelical extremist board members are using an abstention vote so that they can play both sides. Mrs. Fisher wants to appear to care about fiscal responsibility, but she also may wind up attending, so she has to pretend that totally normal votes are controversial even when they’re not. 

Next up was a first reading of SEVERAL new policies coming from Arizona School Board Association (ASBA). So let’s have a little primer on these kinds of policy changes. 

Every year, the Arizona Legislature passes laws that affect public school districts. Then, ASBA goes over these policy changes and crafts policies that reflect these changes. They share these policy updates with member districts, the board can review and discuss those recommendations, and then districts adopt the policy changes, with or without their own revisions. 

Again, these are standard adoptions, and school districts can trust the legal staff of ASBA rather than having to hire a policy and/or legal expert to make these changes. Typically, there is a first reading of these policies, and a set timeline for board members to discuss, and/or suggest changes. This was a first reading, and Board Member Fisher AGAIN showed how little she seems to understand about these very standard processes. 

During the discussion, she started by complaining that there was no discussion. Superintendent Finch immediately invited her to discuss away! And she just kept yammering on about how she’s mad there’s no discussion happening at the time that literally anyone can discuss these policy changes if they want to and she just got an explicit invitation to discuss these changes. 

Superintendent Finch (the man’s a SAINT, I tell you) continued to explain the timeline and how she has several weeks, INCLUDING THIS EXACT BOARD MEETING, to discuss these things to her heart’s content. Mrs. Fisher complained that these super-routine policy adoptions should warrant a study session, and President Ordway interjected, saying that she wanted to hear from the rest of the board. 

VP Carver correctly affirmed that these are standard policy changes that originated from the Arizona Legislature, and that ASBA consults with their attorneys to provide policy changes for districts all across the state. He rightly explained how there is nothing nefarious about these policies and that anyone who took the time to review them would come to that conclusion.

He and Board Member Simacek both agreed that these basic changes do not warrant a study session. Poor Mrs. Fisher. 

Hmmm…something’s different about this meeting. Like, here we were, nearly to the end of the agenda, and there were no public comments! How did I miss them? You know how? BECAUSE I DIDN’T! 

At this point, VP Carver pointed out that the order of the agenda has changed and that DVUSD has moved Public Comments to the end of the agenda. He also pointed out that anyone can STILL speak to a specific agenda item as they come up, but for the Tin Foil Hat Brigade? Y’all are going to have to take a seat until the end of the meeting. 

None of this stopped good ol’ Jerry from complaining talking about very serious issues that totally exist. 

He started by thanking everyone in attendance, including “union” when he gestured to the Deer Valley Education Association (DVEA) president. He then complained about why there is nothing on the district website about the school board election. Superintendent Finch explained that for every board member, their terms are in fact posted on the website.

Nice try, Jerry. I give you an F minus. Big time.  

Finally, we were at the end of the meeting, and that means board member reports. Mrs. Simacek gave a normal update about a student who lost his life recently, and other basic updates, and then Mrs. Fisher was next to do what she does. 

First, she wanted everyone to know that she can read and recommended a 20-year-old book titled “The Bait of Satan.” 

First, I need all of us to remember that these fundamentalists believe that literal demons walk amongst us. This is not hyperbole. When I was attacked by these zany zealots last year, many of them seemed to believe that I was possessed by Satan himself. In 2024. Yeah…moving on…

The description on Amazon of the book she’s reading includes these questions: 

Are you compelled to tell your side of the story?

Do you fight thoughts of suspicion or distrust?

Are you constantly rehearsing past hurts?

Have you lost hope because of what someone did to you?

Additionally, this description says the author will help the reader to identify “the traps ahead of you and escape the victim mentality.” I can’t wait to hear what kind of wisdom the “constant victim” of the DVUSD board was about to drop. She promised that in 2024 she is going to stop being the constant victim, and then complained about a lesson and shared her desire to micromanage teachers and their lesson plans. Then she continued to sow distrust in the district because that’s like, her favorite thing to do. Cool, cool…

President Ordway asked some clarifying questions and asked for an email with specific directions instead of vague insinuations of malfeasance, and when Mrs. Fisher began to give reasons why she couldn’t, President Ordway simply moved on.  

Basically, she gaveled her ass. 

And there you have it, Secular Fam! Elect clowns? Expect a circus. Elect public servants? You get a no-nonsense and efficient meeting that is focused on positive outcomes for the students, staff, and the community. How cool is that? 

Let’s make sure that EVERY school board meeting in Arizona resembles this DVUSD meeting by showing up, speaking out, and supporting candidates who support our local public schools. Starting this spring, Secular AZ will be hosting school board candidate forums again like we did in 2022. If there is a school board in Arizona that you’d like to see highlighted, let us know.