AZGOP: Putting the AZ in Crazy

It's... a lot

Happy Spring, Secular Fam! It’s been a while since I’ve put together a Substack update, and it’s because my actual life needed me. I had to hang up my Secular Activist Lady™ costume these past couple of weeks and double up on my big girl panties so I could better handle being pulled in a million different directions. 

So today, even though there are SO MANY WILD THINGS HAPPENING IN AZ POLITICS, I’m going to take a moment to lean into the best parts of life. MY life, and the lives of the people I love. 

First, I had a terrible scare regarding my dad’s health last month. It took us about two weeks to figure out what was going on with his mental and physical health, and because of all the visits to the doctor, he was hospitalized with COVID for several days. He doesn’t live here, so I was on the phone and contemplating travel plans until we got it figured out. He’s much better this month, but he’s 82, and these events will probably become more frequent. 

To make matters worse, I no longer speak to my siblings, so making plans for our parents in their twilight years will be complicated. And really, nearly everywhere I go, people share similar stories. Raise your hand if you’ve lost family to MAGA political ideology. 

My sisters both sided with my childhood abuser, and in the last conversations I had with one of them, I was told that “you’ve always been a liar” which is just code for “you always called out the bullshit, and it made us all uncomfortable and disrupted the status quo, so we disregard what you say and accuse you of lying.” Cool, cool. 

Some of you may be facing the same thing, and my number one recommendation to combat the loss of family is to surround yourself with kickass people who you WISH were your family. That’s what I’ve done, and surprise, surprise! Most of them are skeptics/atheists/agnostics OR believers who adamantly support the separation of religion and government, and feel zero need to tell me or anyone else how to live their lives. They don’t need a book to tell them how to be decent humans, because they’re just, like, decent humans. 

My dad is doing much better, so that’s great. After recovering from a bout of shingles, I managed to make it to the Tucson Festival of Books (TFOB), and I absolutely MUST take a moment to thank Arizona treasure, David Fitzsimmons, for giving us a shout-out on his Substack. He gave our booth a boost, and the traffic was off the charts. If you’re not familiar with his work, you should be.

It was kind of a hoot, because we were next to a homeschooling group, across from a couple of churches, kitty-corner from a microschooling booth, the JWs, Muslims, and twice a day, “Jesus” came by with a cross on wheels.

I’m happy to report that our booth was WAY more happening than all of our neighbors. 

Life kept on keeping on, and after returning from Tucson, I noticed my dog, Moxie, was acting a little strange. She seemed lethargic, and her appetite gradually decreased to nearly nothing.

She’s my ride-or-die bitch, so I maxed out my credit card to make sure all of her medical needs were taken care of. She’s not yet out of the woods, but she’s so much better. My dog Moxie has seen some shit, so I’m crossing my fingers for a full recovery. You’re welcome to send thoughts, vibes, prayers, etc. I don’t care if they’re religious or secular in nature, I’ll take ‘em. 

And THEN, Secular Fam! My daughter, not to be outdone by a canine, gave birth to my new grandson! I know that everyone thinks their children/grandchildren are the cutest, but MY GRANDSON IS DEFINITELY THE CUTEST (and also, Moxie is the best and very-most-cutest dog). 

And SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON! Not only did Senator Sonny Borrelli suggest that a Bayer aspirin between the knees is adequate birth control earlier this month, bringing national embarrassment to Arizona AGAIN, but every single Republican in the state legislature voted against protecting birth control in our state. 

Then, earlier this week, Senator Eva Burch (D-LD9) gave a speech on the floor of the Senate that went viral. Burch shared with her colleagues that she was pregnant and in need of an abortion because her pregnancy was not viable.

She shared how, because of the laws passed over the years in Arizona, she was forced to endure all kinds of bullshit like a vaginal scope and recommendations that “adoption is always an option” though in her case, it’s not. It’s powerful, and had me weeping like a baby. 

You know, when my own daughter told me last year that she was having a baby, instead of joy, I felt a pit in my stomach. I was worried that she would have complications first because I know the laws in Arizona, and that they force pregnant people to do stupid stuff like what Senator Burch had to go through. Thankfully, she had an uneventful, wanted pregnancy that produced this little nugget:

There’s nothing quite like gazing into the eyes of a beautiful baby that came from your own beautiful baby. Now, when I speak against theocratic legislation or provide updates about bad actors on school boards, this little guy will be my motivation. 

Since we’re on the topic of babies, some of you may have seen the House Education Committee Hearing the week of March 18th where  Arizona’s own J6 Insurrectionist, CD8 Congressional Hopeful, Fake Elector, Arizona’s Biggest Manbaby AND Mama Fratelli Look Alike, Senator Anthony Kern (R-LD27)…

…spoke about his bill, SB1151 that would allow the ten commandments (which ones? No one knows!) to be posted in public schools.

The number of dumb and completely untrue things that came out of his mouth was staggering, but nothing new. And the level of arrogance he exudes while asserting his totally false claims is just gross.

I really hate thinking of him for longer than I have to, so I’ll just include a few bullet points of his nonsense:

• Our entire government was founded on the 10 commandments (it wasn’t)

• America was founded on Judeo-Christian values (it wasn’t)

• Christianity is the reason why any other religions can be known (what does this even mean?)

• Christians are sO ToLeRaNt (are they, though?)

• He incorrectly touted a Texas “law” that is the same (it died, therefore not a law)

• He said that the US Constitution is basically the 10 commandments, mkaythxbyeee!

When Representative David Cook (R-LD7) asked about other religious texts like, say, The Book of Mormon, Kern said that’d be fine, so long as they draft and pass their own bill. He said he would NOT accept any amendments to his bill, and his justification was essentially all the bullet points above.

He clearly sees his version of Christianity as the One True Way, otherwise, he would welcome other religious texts. 

A lot of other crazy stuff keeps happening at the legislature, and I can no longer keep up with all the vacancies, but the Arizona Agenda did a great job of tracking all the turmoil. Kern’s bill will likely hit the House floor next week, so you’ll want to be sure to attend the CEBV Happy Hour this Sunday to stay on top of things. 

March was light on school board shenanigans because of spring break, but you better believe the Ku Klux Karens will be out in full force in April and May.

So stay vigilant, Secular Fam! Be sure to support our work by becoming a member, attending our Friday Zoom webinars, upgrading to a paid subscription, and join us at our Legislative Day at the Capitol.